Thursday, February 20, 2020

Comment Wall

Hello everyone!

Here is the link to my portfolio if anyone is interested: Site


Silent Princess
Source: Fandom

6 comments:

  1. Hello April! I first have to start off by saying I love how you focused on the details of an event without explicitly saying what the event was (until the very end). It left a bit of mystery about what was going on surrounding our characters, and I can’t say it was a king of writing I had ever thought about. If this was indeed the intention, I wonder if there is the possibility to increase the level of intensity of the capybara’s action by really hammering home the chaotic nature of what was going on around it. My imagination is running rampant here, but maybe it would be possible to add more description to the results of the fire without giving a definite cause. Furthermore, something that could potentially add to the drama would be to give the animals names. By giving them names and elaborating a bit more of their nature, I think it would increase the readers affinity for the animals and perhaps allow them to connect more with them and care more about their outcomes. Great job on the story, it was a good read!

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  2. Hello April,
    Your portfolio caught my eye from the title and the Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild picture on your homepage. I just read your first story and I must say I am impressed with your creativity. You really took the jataka tale and made it your own. You even made it relevant to recent events. It's amazing that you are bringing awareness to actual events through your stories. There's so many people who don't think about such things because they don't think it concerns them.
    I didn't notice any grammar or spelling issues or even any awkward sentences that I can point out, you seem to be a really good writer. I did have to look up what a capybara was thought and others might need to as well. Did you consider adding a picture of what one looks like? I think that could add clarity to the story by presenting an image for the reader. Or maybe you could try adding details to print a picture with things like "the capybara ran toward the call for help as swiftly as possible with her short stubby legs." Or you could add both, more details never hurt.

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  3. April,
    Your first story is a great blend of the original mixed with current events that have happened around the world. Sometimes it can be hard for people to really grasp what is going on unless it is told in a story form, and this does an amazing job at putting things into perspective. Where in this story KB is saved and others suffer, it may have a stronger affect if you took some more time to focus on all those that suffered. I look forward to seeing where you take the rest of your stories, be that tying them to more recent events or not. I like how you're not only retelling a story in your way, but also changing some plot points to make it feel a little more new! On a side note, I hope at least one story follows a similar heroes journey to Link. You've already got the title to tie it in!

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  4. I am a little confused when I open your website. I don’t know what it is about. I think your home page needs a little paragraph so we know what to expect going into your story. I think your photo is great. Your title is intriguing. Seeing the words Silent Princess which is exiting and I am excited to see what that is about. When reading your story Wildlife Tragedy I am so impressed with your word choice. So many of your words bring such life and personality to your story. I also think you did a great job of organizing your story. I have seen so so so so many people just do one hunky chunky text and it is just was too dense to read. Yours had such a great flow and was easy to read. I look forward to seeing your website grow. You are a talented story teller.

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  5. Hi April, I loved reading your portfolio! I have never heard of the Legend of Zelda, but I will have to look into that, you piqued my interest. I’m so happy you included the Capybara story in your portfolio. I remember reading it at the beginning of the semester but I liked that you added some new parts to the story and were able to develop it differently. I think one suggestion is to review your paper grammatically, you went back and forth between calling Courage he/she, so just check up on that (no biggie though)! I also enjoyed reading your other story. Great job with the imagery in that one, the details you included allow your reader to feel like they are in the scene with the characters. I enjoyed that you incorporated parts from the Legend of Zelda in conjunction with the Mahabharata. I think that allowed for a unique storytelling strategy. I cant wait to read more of your work!

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  6. Hi April!
    What an awesome project. I think the use of current events in the first story was well executed. It drew me in because of its relevance. The first story really broke my heart as well. I do wonder what happens next to the animals. Where did they go? Will the kola's parents survive? What is the significance of the kola not having a mate? These are all great questions to expand on your story! The only suggestion I want to emphasis is the spacing between paragraphs in the second story. Some paragraphs are spaced more or less than others. That should not take too long to adjust! Other than that, I would just keep rereading your stories and asking yourself detail related questions. Challenge yourself to see what you think you need to add or remove. Overall, great job and well done.

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