Thursday, February 20, 2020

Comment Wall

Hello everyone!

Here is the link to my portfolio if anyone is interested: Site


Silent Princess
Source: Fandom

10 comments:

  1. Hello April! I first have to start off by saying I love how you focused on the details of an event without explicitly saying what the event was (until the very end). It left a bit of mystery about what was going on surrounding our characters, and I can’t say it was a king of writing I had ever thought about. If this was indeed the intention, I wonder if there is the possibility to increase the level of intensity of the capybara’s action by really hammering home the chaotic nature of what was going on around it. My imagination is running rampant here, but maybe it would be possible to add more description to the results of the fire without giving a definite cause. Furthermore, something that could potentially add to the drama would be to give the animals names. By giving them names and elaborating a bit more of their nature, I think it would increase the readers affinity for the animals and perhaps allow them to connect more with them and care more about their outcomes. Great job on the story, it was a good read!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello April,
    Your portfolio caught my eye from the title and the Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild picture on your homepage. I just read your first story and I must say I am impressed with your creativity. You really took the jataka tale and made it your own. You even made it relevant to recent events. It's amazing that you are bringing awareness to actual events through your stories. There's so many people who don't think about such things because they don't think it concerns them.
    I didn't notice any grammar or spelling issues or even any awkward sentences that I can point out, you seem to be a really good writer. I did have to look up what a capybara was thought and others might need to as well. Did you consider adding a picture of what one looks like? I think that could add clarity to the story by presenting an image for the reader. Or maybe you could try adding details to print a picture with things like "the capybara ran toward the call for help as swiftly as possible with her short stubby legs." Or you could add both, more details never hurt.

    ReplyDelete
  3. April,
    Your first story is a great blend of the original mixed with current events that have happened around the world. Sometimes it can be hard for people to really grasp what is going on unless it is told in a story form, and this does an amazing job at putting things into perspective. Where in this story KB is saved and others suffer, it may have a stronger affect if you took some more time to focus on all those that suffered. I look forward to seeing where you take the rest of your stories, be that tying them to more recent events or not. I like how you're not only retelling a story in your way, but also changing some plot points to make it feel a little more new! On a side note, I hope at least one story follows a similar heroes journey to Link. You've already got the title to tie it in!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am a little confused when I open your website. I don’t know what it is about. I think your home page needs a little paragraph so we know what to expect going into your story. I think your photo is great. Your title is intriguing. Seeing the words Silent Princess which is exiting and I am excited to see what that is about. When reading your story Wildlife Tragedy I am so impressed with your word choice. So many of your words bring such life and personality to your story. I also think you did a great job of organizing your story. I have seen so so so so many people just do one hunky chunky text and it is just was too dense to read. Yours had such a great flow and was easy to read. I look forward to seeing your website grow. You are a talented story teller.

    ReplyDelete


  5. Hi April, I loved reading your portfolio! I have never heard of the Legend of Zelda, but I will have to look into that, you piqued my interest. I’m so happy you included the Capybara story in your portfolio. I remember reading it at the beginning of the semester but I liked that you added some new parts to the story and were able to develop it differently. I think one suggestion is to review your paper grammatically, you went back and forth between calling Courage he/she, so just check up on that (no biggie though)! I also enjoyed reading your other story. Great job with the imagery in that one, the details you included allow your reader to feel like they are in the scene with the characters. I enjoyed that you incorporated parts from the Legend of Zelda in conjunction with the Mahabharata. I think that allowed for a unique storytelling strategy. I cant wait to read more of your work!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi April!
    What an awesome project. I think the use of current events in the first story was well executed. It drew me in because of its relevance. The first story really broke my heart as well. I do wonder what happens next to the animals. Where did they go? Will the kola's parents survive? What is the significance of the kola not having a mate? These are all great questions to expand on your story! The only suggestion I want to emphasis is the spacing between paragraphs in the second story. Some paragraphs are spaced more or less than others. That should not take too long to adjust! Other than that, I would just keep rereading your stories and asking yourself detail related questions. Challenge yourself to see what you think you need to add or remove. Overall, great job and well done.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey April!
    I read through your story “The Three Short Daughters of Pandavana”, and the first thing I noticed was how clean the formatting was. I. It wouldn’t surprise me if I’ve said this before, but your writing is enjoyable to read. As I read through the first time, I would say concise, clean and very easy to follow. As someone who grew up reading Harry Potter the name Bellatrix always brought back some memories and I wonder if that harkened to that reference or another within Zelda that’s beyond my scope. You integrated some detail that makes the story more personable which really allowed me to draw parallels, while bringing us closer your characters. I wonder if there is an opportunity to drastically change the formatting in the middle of your story as a way drastically change the feel as you transitioned towards the end? Just a thought, but regardless I love your writing style!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi April! As soon as I saw the title of your story, I was hoping it would be from the Legend of Zelda, and I was not disappointed :) this week I am going to be focusing on the images you have included on your portfolio and how they fit in relation to your stories. As soon as I realized your portfolio was based of of LOZ, I was ready to dive in! I absolutely love the image you chose of the master sword on your home page! It definitely put me in the frame of mind to read fantasy stories. Your description also does a great job of explaining the qualities that are manifested in particular within each of your stories. In your story "Wildlife Tragedy" You do a great job of describing the ravaging flames that are on top of the animals. It made me sad to hear about the koala bears passing--it made me realize how very lucky Tarda was that Courage was courageous enough to run back to help. Your image was perfect for depicting the fire. One suggestion, I think it would work nice in between the two portions of your story! That was the reader has a visual while reading both of the portions. I enjoyed reading your story "Black Pearl of the Nadi," and was pleasantly surprised that the babies became protectors of rivers. The images you included did not make sense to me until I read your author's note and I saw that they served as inspiration for your story. I am glad I got a glimpse into what fueled your creativity for this story! Keep up the great work April!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi April!

    I love the Legend of Zelda theme you picked for your epic. I actually wrote about Vyasa and Ganesha, and I did not think about having Satyavati as a Zora! In my story I didn’t even picture her with scales or gills so I’m glad you included that description in your author's note. It would have been awesome if this was placed in the Hyrule fields or maybe near Zora's domain to give off a better Zelda vibe. Or when the king visits the Goddess Ganges if the king could have used a bomb to blow up a mysterious looking rock to reveal the Goddess. I’ve played Zelda for years so it’s a lot of fun imagining this epic play out. I’m glad you left pictures in the author’s note to show who’s being portrayed in the epic. I know what the Zora’s look like but I haven’t watched Inuyasha so it was helpful knowing who was who.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey April,
    I love the Legend of Zelda theme you decided to focus on. I find it very interesting that you were able to incorporate the triforce into your stories. I love the layout of your stories. The only thing I want to say is that it would help your format if you moved the image of things like the fire and the zora into your story were these events occur. It could help the reader envision that part of the story. I really like how you took the recent events into the story. It made them a lot more interesting to read. I really like how you took the characters and changed them to fit your story better, like with the Zora.

    ReplyDelete